Who Are You?

It is common practice to associate ourselves with our work, that is, we identify who we are with what we do for a living. The upside of this is that we stake our personal integrity, our best efforts in the manner in which we perform the job. The downside may be that we don't know when to quit. If we end up taking our work home with us, we literally become our job. The job discolors our relationships: family, friends, lovers, all of them.

If this has happened to you, it is time to step back for a time and be certain that you express the person you are on the inside. You are not your job. Your job is your tool for paying your bills. It is helpful if you enjoy your job, but be assured, you are NOT your job.

The first step to reconnecting with who you really are is to take a weekend to sit with yourself. Meditate. Look into a mirror--looking past your reflection to see what occurs around you. If necessary to concentrate, do this in a dark room with no sound, using only a lighted candle reflected over your left shoulder. Think about all of the things that make you who you are. Are you a happy person? Do you like music? Are you comfortable in nature? Just allow the thoughts to flow as you focus on what makes you, "YOU." Do this a few timjes for 30 minutes at a time for a good picture of your Self. Write it down.

Next, when you have a list of characteristics, sort them into columns under the headings of "like" and "dislike." Use all of the characteristics that you have identified. Give yourself a pat on the back for all of the characteristics you like. For those you dislike, decide which are actually under your control and which are not. You may want to write goals to help you overcome the characteristics you dislike that are under your control, working on only one at a time. What is outside of your control is probably a stressor for you and may take deeper work to change. Chances are, these are things imposed upon you by someone else. It may mean that to change the characteristic you will have to evict the other person from your life. But that is not a decision that you have to make at thist ime.

Let us focus now on the characteristics that you like about yourself. We call these your strengths. These are skills, personality traits, ways you cope and interact with others that result in positive actions or feedback from the people around you.

While everyone is a jigsaw puzzle of positive and negative characteristics, we gain greater happiness through thinking about and expressing the positive. This is who you want to be, who you can be, who you are.