Suffice it to say that we all tend to wear masks, special masks for each person in our lives. We tailor our words for each different mask with the desire to present only that part of ourselves that we feel comfortable in showing to a particular person. In a way, it is a lie to do so, but for whatever reason we wear the mask, it is because we want to be loved.
There is no special solution to the problem, though it is only a problem when we compromise ourselves and our feelings to accommodate what we believe people want from us. When someone doesn’t love us for who we truly are, or we perceive that someone won’t love us for who we are, the situation becomes complicated and messy. It is our fear of rejection that perpetuates the use of masks, hiding and sometimes, even shame.
What really becomes the important thing is that everyone practice unconditional love. When there isn’t that fear of being rejected, when we can freely say what we think and feel, do what is foremost in our own hearts, we can clear away the masks, peel away the onion, and be the person we truly feel we are in reality.
It may feel scary at first, trusting that another person is truly there for us. It may play on our fear of abandonment. But you will only know if the honest pronouncement of your inner self works for you if you put out your toe and test the waters. Start small, certainly, but never feel as if you need to hide your true self. If you are left behind when you do so, could those around you be worth the trade-off? The people who love you, unconditionally, will always be there, through thick and thin. The ones who aren’t, just aren’t worth your time.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Making You Happy
Many of us have the tendency to go through life hoping that the right person will come along and make us happy. We put out to the Universe that we want someone with X, Y, or Z characteristics, and then hang our hat on the thought that a perfect someone will come along and all our worries will go right out the window.
I am here to tell you that this is an impossible dream. Happiness is not something that comes from outside of you. Happiness is a state of self-fulfillment, sometimes even a conscious choice. If you are not a whole person, in and of yourself, you will not be happy regardless of the circumstances. If you are expecting someone to come along on a white horse and take you away to paradise, you need to be healed from the inside. No one has control over your emotions, your state of mind, or your self concept, but you.
Taking the bull by the horns and declaring yourself happy is one thing, but truly feeling it, truly knowing in your heart that you are okay in all aspects, takes a bold warrior. You have to be willing to allow the negative behaviour of others fall off you like water off a duck’s back. You have to be strong enough to understand that whatever people say, especially if it hurts your feelings, is not a reflection of who you are. You determine who you are, just as you determine how you feel. You have to be strong enough to allow for that.
This is not to say that you don’t or shouldn’t consider the feelings of others, if you have hurt them, and apologize when you are wrong, but it does mean that you don’t have to take insults and degrading remarks at face value, allowing others to put you on the defensive for no legitimate reason. The point is that you don’t have to act like a sponge and automatically allow the hurtful things you are told to wear you down and destroy your happiness.
When you take responsibility for your happiness, you are able to take actions to do what you want to do, without taking the same right from others. You don’t have to destroy someone’s day. You don’t have to insult others or detract from their talents. You have your own gifts. You can be proud of yourself, though you don’t have to broadcast it to make yourself feel good.
True happiness comes from within. It comes from being satisfied with what you have in life and if not, then doing something about it, recognizing and being confident in your own capabilities. And if you are not capable, asking for help, just as you have helped others when they have needs.
May you be richly blessed!
I am here to tell you that this is an impossible dream. Happiness is not something that comes from outside of you. Happiness is a state of self-fulfillment, sometimes even a conscious choice. If you are not a whole person, in and of yourself, you will not be happy regardless of the circumstances. If you are expecting someone to come along on a white horse and take you away to paradise, you need to be healed from the inside. No one has control over your emotions, your state of mind, or your self concept, but you.
Taking the bull by the horns and declaring yourself happy is one thing, but truly feeling it, truly knowing in your heart that you are okay in all aspects, takes a bold warrior. You have to be willing to allow the negative behaviour of others fall off you like water off a duck’s back. You have to be strong enough to understand that whatever people say, especially if it hurts your feelings, is not a reflection of who you are. You determine who you are, just as you determine how you feel. You have to be strong enough to allow for that.
This is not to say that you don’t or shouldn’t consider the feelings of others, if you have hurt them, and apologize when you are wrong, but it does mean that you don’t have to take insults and degrading remarks at face value, allowing others to put you on the defensive for no legitimate reason. The point is that you don’t have to act like a sponge and automatically allow the hurtful things you are told to wear you down and destroy your happiness.
When you take responsibility for your happiness, you are able to take actions to do what you want to do, without taking the same right from others. You don’t have to destroy someone’s day. You don’t have to insult others or detract from their talents. You have your own gifts. You can be proud of yourself, though you don’t have to broadcast it to make yourself feel good.
True happiness comes from within. It comes from being satisfied with what you have in life and if not, then doing something about it, recognizing and being confident in your own capabilities. And if you are not capable, asking for help, just as you have helped others when they have needs.
May you be richly blessed!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Life's Path
Each step along Life’s Path, contrary to popular belief, is not mapped out for us to tap into the higher power to be delineated for us. Instead, we must select a route on our own, by first allowing ourselves to utilize the talents we have nurtured within us and express the goals that reside in our hearts.
The problems come when we decide to step off our Life Paths, and let someone else take the responsibility for determining who and what we shall be. We may try to bend our identities to suit peer pressure, our parents a lover, our teachers, or perhaps an advisor. Whoever we have placed as our priority, if we relinquish our rightful responsibility to say who we are and what we will do with our lives, we begin to lay out a path full of thorns: hurt, dissatisfaction, even anger.
In truth, you are the only person who has a right to plan where you will go in your life. If you have given up that right to someone else, you set yourself up to inner conflict, resentment, perhaps even feelings of failure. And these feelings will be with you until the point where you are willing to stand up and declare the path you want to take.
If you feel stuck, consider taking a backward view of life. That is, try to project yourself onto the end of your Life Path, not to imagine how you will pass, rather to take a look backward and see what you want to have accomplished in your life. Imagine giving your own eulogy. Will you report that you were a loving parent, sister or brother? Did you help the poor? Did you create things that brought beauty into the world? Did you do a thankless, but necessary task for society? Did you keep people safe? Did you teach new things? Did you ease someone’s pain?
The bottom line for what you are meant to do, is to help others. The how is entirely up to you. We don’t live in a vacuum. We receive by giving. Our payment is the smile on someone’s face.
This is not to deny that each person has needs to be fulfilled: needs for food, shelter, sleep and needs of the body. These are biological and come with powerful drives. But these can be dealt with as we pursue our goals for self-expression.
Choose your path, but realize it is yours and no one else’s. That is the key to real fulfillment.
The problems come when we decide to step off our Life Paths, and let someone else take the responsibility for determining who and what we shall be. We may try to bend our identities to suit peer pressure, our parents a lover, our teachers, or perhaps an advisor. Whoever we have placed as our priority, if we relinquish our rightful responsibility to say who we are and what we will do with our lives, we begin to lay out a path full of thorns: hurt, dissatisfaction, even anger.
In truth, you are the only person who has a right to plan where you will go in your life. If you have given up that right to someone else, you set yourself up to inner conflict, resentment, perhaps even feelings of failure. And these feelings will be with you until the point where you are willing to stand up and declare the path you want to take.
If you feel stuck, consider taking a backward view of life. That is, try to project yourself onto the end of your Life Path, not to imagine how you will pass, rather to take a look backward and see what you want to have accomplished in your life. Imagine giving your own eulogy. Will you report that you were a loving parent, sister or brother? Did you help the poor? Did you create things that brought beauty into the world? Did you do a thankless, but necessary task for society? Did you keep people safe? Did you teach new things? Did you ease someone’s pain?
The bottom line for what you are meant to do, is to help others. The how is entirely up to you. We don’t live in a vacuum. We receive by giving. Our payment is the smile on someone’s face.
This is not to deny that each person has needs to be fulfilled: needs for food, shelter, sleep and needs of the body. These are biological and come with powerful drives. But these can be dealt with as we pursue our goals for self-expression.
Choose your path, but realize it is yours and no one else’s. That is the key to real fulfillment.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Never Give Up!
With such difficult financial times, job woes strike many people. Over the past few years, many manufacturers and high tech firms have found less expensive labor pools by forming overseas programs to do their work. This has left such a job shortage here in the U.S. that people are not finding work that suits them. New businesses are out there, but their reach is small. What is anyone to do?
The first thing is to not lose faith in yourself. You may not know it all, but you do have a unique set of abilities that are gifted from the Creator. You are meant for something important. Realize that and stay firm in your belief in yourself.
Second, open your options a little wider with regard to the work you are willing to do. It is unfortunate, but we do have to do things that we don’t always like. If you don’t have a job at all, it may be a short time before you find the perfect job, so bite the bullet and take what you can get for the moment. It is always easier to get a job if you have a job, that is, you have a third party who says you are a good worker.
Third, keep trying. Now is not the time to be a gracious loser. Now is the time to strut your stuff and speak up about your qualities. Be persistent, be confident, and present yourself in your best light. Dress the part for whatever kind of work you are applying. Speak clearly, meet the interviewer’s eye, and show an interest in the type of work the company does. Soon, you’ll be cashing in that big paycheck.
May you be richly blessed!
The first thing is to not lose faith in yourself. You may not know it all, but you do have a unique set of abilities that are gifted from the Creator. You are meant for something important. Realize that and stay firm in your belief in yourself.
Second, open your options a little wider with regard to the work you are willing to do. It is unfortunate, but we do have to do things that we don’t always like. If you don’t have a job at all, it may be a short time before you find the perfect job, so bite the bullet and take what you can get for the moment. It is always easier to get a job if you have a job, that is, you have a third party who says you are a good worker.
Third, keep trying. Now is not the time to be a gracious loser. Now is the time to strut your stuff and speak up about your qualities. Be persistent, be confident, and present yourself in your best light. Dress the part for whatever kind of work you are applying. Speak clearly, meet the interviewer’s eye, and show an interest in the type of work the company does. Soon, you’ll be cashing in that big paycheck.
May you be richly blessed!
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