When we try to help others, sometimes we go beyond what they would like us to do, thinking that we know what they need. This becomes a problem if what we want to do for them is not what they want. It may breed resentment and ill will. So how do we avoid going the extra mile, when we want what is best for our loved ones? We must employ good listening skills.
Asking the person what we can do to help, then listening to what they want will reveal the best course of action. When we listen to their needs and desires, if we mirror back to them what we believe they want, so they can validate what we thought we heard, it leaves little room for error.
Not everyone who needs help is able to draw a blueprint to resolve their own problems, however. Sometimes it becomes a matter of having to offer alternatives and allowing the person to select from a set of options, what they would like best. This happens with young people or those who are not in touch with their feelings for whatever reason. This is still a good option, and our well-intentioned help is wonderful to resolve this type of problem, but keep in mind that most people who need help have a pretty good idea of what it takes to get them where they need to be.
If you are going to help others, it is important to do it for the right reason: because you want to help. Don’t do it if you feel that you want a favor in return, or you want something back from the individual. Do it because you wish to help. Don’t expect anything in return. If you are able to help anonymously, it is even better. You may get a thank you or you may not. You will know you have helped someone and this is good.
Remember to ask what the person needs, listen carefully to make sure you are fulfilling what they need, and do so without expecting a return on your investment.
May you be richly blessed.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Caring for Others
In this day and age when we know people on the other side of the world, yet have not met our own next-door neighbors, the idea of helping each other in times of difficulty is a challenge. Our families, often broken into pieces given the stresses of life in general, are often not there to help when necessity comes. The ties that we have with those who are closest to us are the most important, and we need to cement those ties by being there for our loved ones, whether they are blood family, dear friends, or those we see daily for other reasons.
Recently, I had a series of difficulties that made me dependent on others: my car died, my father died, my mother is planning on surgery....life has been a little hectic to say the least. It was a blessing to me that my mother was able to provide me with a loan to replace my vehicle. In the interim, my daughters made certain that I was able to get to the places I needed to go. Not all families are so closely knit as ours, but whomever you call family, it is important to realize that they are there for you when you need them.
It is unusual for me to be on the receiving end of this kind of care, and it gives me a feeling of security that my family is there for me. Of course, I was told that I am there for them when they need me, and I am honored that they trust me enough to say so. I feel blessed that I can step in when I am needed, having the health and well-being to be of service to my family or friends, when the time comes.
It is the availing of ourselves to those who need help that bridges the gap between people. It strengthens the bonds and brings us closer when life throws us curve balls. We think in terms of paying it forward and doing random acts of kindness, but the key is to give of ourselves without asking anything in return. In this way, we bless others and also bless ourselves.
May you be richly blessed!
Recently, I had a series of difficulties that made me dependent on others: my car died, my father died, my mother is planning on surgery....life has been a little hectic to say the least. It was a blessing to me that my mother was able to provide me with a loan to replace my vehicle. In the interim, my daughters made certain that I was able to get to the places I needed to go. Not all families are so closely knit as ours, but whomever you call family, it is important to realize that they are there for you when you need them.
It is unusual for me to be on the receiving end of this kind of care, and it gives me a feeling of security that my family is there for me. Of course, I was told that I am there for them when they need me, and I am honored that they trust me enough to say so. I feel blessed that I can step in when I am needed, having the health and well-being to be of service to my family or friends, when the time comes.
It is the availing of ourselves to those who need help that bridges the gap between people. It strengthens the bonds and brings us closer when life throws us curve balls. We think in terms of paying it forward and doing random acts of kindness, but the key is to give of ourselves without asking anything in return. In this way, we bless others and also bless ourselves.
May you be richly blessed!
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Life Transitions
We all know that life eventually comes to an end. Facing the final moments takes courage, not only for the one who is moving on into the afterlife, but even more so, perhaps, for those who are left behind. How will the empty hours, previously filled by the one who has moved on, be spent? Who will we share our deepest thoughts and secret feelings with now? There are many questions, beyond the loss, that will need to be considered and answered for life to move forward.
I recently lost my stepfather, affectionately called, Pa, after 22 years as my mother’s great love. His calm acceptance of his passing, and the brevity of the final moment, reflected his deep, spiritual understanding of the passage into new life. While we did not share some perspectives and beliefs, we came to respect each other’s points of view and this provided a bond between us that allowed love to grow. We used to talk about world events and from our differing perspectives, were able to give comfort where otherwise there was fear. This, then, is the true meaning of transition: to move away from fear and move forward, comfortably and confidently.
Any kind of transition in our lives, whether it is the loss of someone or something: a habit, a practice, a residence, a phase of life such as ongoing study, a relationship, etc., asks the same thing of us, that we appreciate what has gone before, and comfortably and confidently step into the future. It requires that we adapt to the new way of life by setting new patterns of energy. It asks that we learn to rely on those around us not only for comfort as we mourn the loss of the past, but to smooth the way into a new lifestyle. Allowing others in, accepting their presence and their love, helps heal us, helps us to become courageous in exploring what life is going to be like over time.
Time. Healing does take time. Adapting does take time. One should never judge oneself for not getting with the program, as it were, quickly enough. Being accepting of the journey, the process of the transition, however long it may take, acknowledging the feelings that one experiences during the process, is important to the healing, important to the arrival of the new stage of life. The process and the period of time that process takes is different for each person.
The key is to allow the experience to come, allow others in to help smooth the way for the transition, and not feel that you have to force any part of what comes to suit others. This is the way to move comfortably and confidently into a joyous future.
May you be richly blessed.
I recently lost my stepfather, affectionately called, Pa, after 22 years as my mother’s great love. His calm acceptance of his passing, and the brevity of the final moment, reflected his deep, spiritual understanding of the passage into new life. While we did not share some perspectives and beliefs, we came to respect each other’s points of view and this provided a bond between us that allowed love to grow. We used to talk about world events and from our differing perspectives, were able to give comfort where otherwise there was fear. This, then, is the true meaning of transition: to move away from fear and move forward, comfortably and confidently.
Any kind of transition in our lives, whether it is the loss of someone or something: a habit, a practice, a residence, a phase of life such as ongoing study, a relationship, etc., asks the same thing of us, that we appreciate what has gone before, and comfortably and confidently step into the future. It requires that we adapt to the new way of life by setting new patterns of energy. It asks that we learn to rely on those around us not only for comfort as we mourn the loss of the past, but to smooth the way into a new lifestyle. Allowing others in, accepting their presence and their love, helps heal us, helps us to become courageous in exploring what life is going to be like over time.
Time. Healing does take time. Adapting does take time. One should never judge oneself for not getting with the program, as it were, quickly enough. Being accepting of the journey, the process of the transition, however long it may take, acknowledging the feelings that one experiences during the process, is important to the healing, important to the arrival of the new stage of life. The process and the period of time that process takes is different for each person.
The key is to allow the experience to come, allow others in to help smooth the way for the transition, and not feel that you have to force any part of what comes to suit others. This is the way to move comfortably and confidently into a joyous future.
May you be richly blessed.
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