Autonomy

When we try to help others, sometimes we go beyond what they would like us to do, thinking that we know what they need.  This becomes a problem if what we want to do for them is not what they want.  It may breed resentment and ill will.  So how do we avoid going the extra mile, when we want what is best for our loved ones?  We must employ good listening skills. 

Asking the person what we can do to help, then listening to what they want will reveal the best course of action.  When we listen to their needs and desires, if we mirror back to them what we believe they want, so they can validate what we thought we heard, it leaves little room for error.

Not everyone who needs help is able to draw a blueprint to resolve their own problems, however.  Sometimes it becomes a matter of having to offer alternatives and allowing the person to select from a set of options, what they would like best.  This happens with young people or those who are not in touch with their feelings for whatever reason.  This is still a good option, and our well-intentioned help is wonderful to resolve this type of problem, but keep in mind that most people who need help have a pretty good idea of what it takes to get them where they need to be.

If you are going to help others, it is important to do it for the right reason:  because you want to help.  Don’t do it if you feel that you want a favor in return, or you want something back from the individual.  Do it because you wish to help.  Don’t expect anything in return.  If you are able to help anonymously, it is even better.  You may get a thank you or you may not.  You will know you have helped someone and this is good.

Remember to ask what the person needs, listen carefully to make sure you are fulfilling what they need, and do so without expecting a return on your investment.

May you be richly blessed.